Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Lonely Journey of Grief, Part 2 of 15

IDEA: We can turn bad grief into good grief.

PURPOSE: To help listeners discern between good and bad grief.

Is grief “good” or “bad”?

When we experience it, we are tempted to call it “bad.” It hurts. It disrupts the routine of our lives. It sometimes upsets relationships. It’s hard to identify anything “good” about grief.

I. Jesus declared, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).

Happy are those who mourn? It sounds like a contradiction in terms. But the promise is that those who mourn will be comforted. In order to be comforted in the face of grief, we must mourn. If we refuse to deal with our grief, then “good grief” (bringing us comfort) will turn into “bad grief.”

II. We can turn good grief into bad grief by avoiding our grief.

Centuries ago Stoics taught their disciples not to mourn. The best way to respond to grief, they said, was to deny it.

In our culture today, young men are told from infancy that “big boys don’t cry.” By the time a fellow reaches 18, he wouldn’t think of weeping, no matter what happened. And at 50, he may not know how to cry at all.

Women are discouraged from displaying their emotions publicly, not because it is unexpected, but because of the common stereotype connecting emotional display to inability to think. So many women are conditioned to feel embarrassed by their tears.

Many Christians believe that 1 Thessalonians 4:13 (“we do not want you to . . . grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope”) makes tears incompatible with faith. This may have left some struggling under “bad grief” because they believe Paul is saying that believers are not to grieve.

Our Christian faith does not provide immunity from emotions, and it is as futile to deny grief as it is to deny laughter or love or anger. Paul is simply stating that faith can keep grief from overwhelming us.

Failure to face our loss and work through our grief can cause strange and unpredictable symptoms and behaviors.

III. Grief becomes “good” grief as we work through it instead of denying it.

Grief is a part of life, and God has given us tear ducts to allow us to express our sorrow.