Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Lonely Journey of Grief, Part 12 of 15

IDEA: It is possible to guard ourselves against some of the impact of grief before it smashes in on top of us.

PURPOSE: To help listeners think about what they can do today to lessen the devastation of grief tomorrow.

“Watch for falling rocks.” Signs with those words admonish drivers on mountain roads in the Pacific Northwest and in the mountain states. These signs seem like an exercise in futility. Should heavy burdens tumble down the mountainside, drivers, no matter how aware, could not escape them. Precautions against falling rocks must be taken before they fall.

How can we guard against some of the impact of grief before it smashes in on top of us?

I. Be aware of the way grief works.

Understanding what happens during the stages of grief, why people feel and act as they do, may make us less vulnerable to the ravages of grief. We are less likely to be shocked, or terrified, or rendered helpless by the crush of unexpected emotions. Grief always brings pain which cannot be avoided; but the hurt may be lessened if we comprehend what is taking place.

II. Guard today’s relationships with care.

We can protect our relationships with those we love. Regret is the stepchild of grief. Looking back through tears, people often feel remorse for harsh words spoken, for kindnesses left undone, for opportunities to express love not taken, or for conversations stifled by life’s busyness.

Samuel Rogers spoke of the anguish of regret in his Reflections:

For who, alas! has lived, Nor in the watches of the night recalled Word, he had wished unsaid and deeds undone.

To live in love today can help you live without regret in some dark tomorrow.