Thursday, August 7, 2008

A Marriage Made in Eden, Part 9 of 15

Guest: Gay Hubbard

IDEA: God's blueprint for marriage is laid out in Genesis 2:24: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

PURPOSE: To help listeners think biblically about Christian marriage.

Q: We've been talking for a week about people's ideas about marriage. Several times you've alluded to the fact that God has some definite ideas about marriage. What would God's blueprint for marriage look like?

A: In one sense God's blueprint for marriage is scattered throughout the entire Bible from Genesis to Revelation. Many of the biblical texts aren't labeled "this is about marriage," so we can miss their implications for marriage. For example, John 13 shows Jesus washing the disciples' feet, then telling them that they ought to wash one another's feet. It's easy to miss the application to all relationships—including marriage—inherent in that.

But there are some texts which are specifically labeled "marriage," and one is so important that it is repeated several times in the Bible. When God created the woman from the man's side (Genesis 2:21-22), then awoke Adam to be introduced to Eve, the writer follows Adam's excited exclamation with the statement, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is the only text about marriage that we find in four different places in the Bible: here (Genesis 2:24), Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7, and Ephesians 5:31. It spells out God's blueprint for marriage before the Fall, Jesus' response to the Pharisees who asked him about divorce, and Paul's summative statement completing his description of the way husbands and wives are to relate to one another.

The first necessary step in marriage is that "a man leaves his father and mother." In biblical times (in both Old and New Testaments) a woman would leave her parents and go to her husband who remained with his clan. But God said that a MAN [also] leaves his father and mother to marry. Walter Trobisch calls this an "unheard-of and revolutionary message," but one that aims toward partnership between the husband and wife. Both have to leave home to begin their new life together.

Leaving is both physical and more than physical. We hear enough bad mother-in-law jokes to know that physical leaving has some strong points to recommend it. But we may forget that leaving also includes "leaving" emotionally. Our first allegiance transfers from our family of origin to our new spouse. We don't side with parents against a spouse.

This isn't a matter of turning a blind eye to a spouse's faults, but it means making the spouse our primary allegiance.

A lot of marriages founder at this starting point. One or both spouses may fail to LEAVE emotionally, financially, physically or in other ways, and the marriage is handicapped from the beginning. Transferring primary allegiance from parents to spouse is an essential first step in marriage.